My Advocacy Day Experience

{via}

A few months ago, I started talking to some of my Twitter friends about attending RESOLVE's Advocacy Day in Washington, D.C. Once I received my FET calendar and realized that the timing would work out, I immediately registered to attend this important day on Capital Hill. According to the RESOLVE website, "Advocacy Day is a RESOLVE event where women and men living with infertility come together in Washington, D.C. to talk to Members of Congress about issues important to our community. RESOLVE holds this annual event so you have the chance to make your voice heard."

Infertility affects 7.3 million Americans. A staggering number. RESOLVE presented me (and over 100 other Advocacy Day attendees) with the opportunity to speak on the behalf of so many Americans whose lives are affected by infertility. What an amazing, important, and empowering opportunity. I chose to attend Advocacy Day to share my story. My experiences. My struggles. I also chose to attend to bring awareness to the fact that infertility is a disease that should not be ignored. 

Advocacy Day, in reality, was actually a two day event. I packed my bags on Tuesday morning and hopped on a train headed from Pennsylvania to Washington, D.C. Once I arrived at Union Station, I felt like my adventure had truly begun. I stood somewhat impatiently in a long taxi line because I wasn't quite sure how to find my way to an apartment that I had rented with a few girlfriends. After a short, ten minute taxi ride, I arrived at the apartment and waited for one of my fellow advocates to show up. Once my friend showed up, we set out to find the hotel where the Advocacy Day reception was being held.

From the moment I walked into the room where the reception was being held, I felt an overwhelming sense of belonging. I felt like I entered a safe haven where everyone in that room truly understood how I was feeling and why I was feeling all those emotions. They have been in my shoes. They truly understand the pain that I feel in my heart when I see a pregnant woman pass by me in a store. On the street. While sitting in the waiting room at my doctor's office. These women and men understand the heartbreak. The pain. The longing to be a parent.

The reception, which lasted two hours, was a great way to prepare for what was to come the following day. I had a chance to meet friends who have supported me from afar for so long. I got to talk to several women who attended Advocacy Day last year. It was an honor to listen to their own experiences and how attending this event last year made them feel empowered and even more passionate about their role as an advocate. Even though I was nervous about speaking in front of people whom I've never met before, I started to feel a sense of excitement. I felt like my words could truly make a difference.

As the reception came to an end, a group of us decided to head out on the town and have dinner together. We just so happened to choose a restaurant that had recently opened, so we received extra attention from what I believe was the restaurant's manager. We also had the opportunity to christen their  private dining room, which accommodated the eleven of us perfectly. Being in the same room with so many strong women was an amazing experience. Just having the opportunity to hear about everyone's infertility journeys and how they handled roadblocks and difficulties was eye-opening. I came to realize that even though everyone's stories were a different, we all felt the same emotions. Even though the reasons for being part of the infertility community are less than ideal, I felt proud to be a part of the community.

After a wonderful dinner, my roommates and I headed back to our apartment and tried to prepare for the early morning wake-up. We failed miserably and ended up talking late into the night. The next morning, I woke up with my stomach in knots. I worried about how many meetings I would be asked to attend (RESOLVE presented with me with the opportunity to represent both PA and VA because of my military spouse status). I wondered if anyone else would attend my meetings with me. I wondered if I would be able to hold back my emotions as I shared my experiences with the staffers.

The nervousness continued as we approached the registration table at the hotel. As I was handed my schedule for the day, I looked down and saw that I would be attending six meetings throughout the day. I would speak to staffers for both states' senators as well as staffers for my district representatives. I thought to myself, "Wow. I have a busy day." Next, I joined my fellow advocates for a breakfast and training session in one of the hotel's banquet rooms. RESOLVE provided us with inspirational speakers and great information that would help us survive the day. I teared up as I listened to Senator Patty Murray talk about wounded warriors who she had met who couldn't have children without medical intervention. I cried as I listened to stories about pain and loss. I cried for the brave speakers. I cried for my friends who have been through the same thing. I cried for myself and for my husband. I cried for those who are yet to face infertility.

As everyone's emotions in the room were running high, we were given information about how the day would proceed. As the co-chairs of Advocacy Day presented their information, I felt a little more confident about my meetings. I knew the infertility statistics. I knew about the two pieces of legislation that would be discussed (The Family Act and The Women Veterans and Other Health Care Improvements Act) Most importantly, I knew my story. I knew firsthand how infertility can change lives - physically, emotionally, mentally, and financially.

As the speakers finished up with the training session, I had the opportunity to introduce myself to fellow advocates from PA and an advocate from NC who just happened to live in the next town over. What a small world. My new NC friend and I headed out of the hotel for our first Senate staffer meeting at 10:30.

As we waited in the reception area for our first staffer meeting, the butterflies in my stomach started flying faster. As the staffer approached us and introduced herself, the butterflies flew even faster. But do you know what? The moment I started speaking, the nervousness melted away. As I shared the information about infertility and the pieces of legislation and my story, I forgot about being nervous. As the meetings continued, I felt an overwhelming sense of passion and purpose. I was there to speak on behalf of all the other infertility community members who couldn't be there to share their story. To make their voices heard. I had an important job. I had to show my passion. To make these staffers understand that these pieces of legislation could be helpful to so many people. To make them understand that infertility is a disease and shouldn't be ignored.

I think the highlight of my day was meeting and speaking with Representative Renee Ellmers. When we (my fellow NC constituent and I) showed up to her office, I expected the standard staffer meeting. I was wrong. We were whisked over to the Capital building where Rep. Ellmers was addressing other House members on the floor. While we spent most of our time with Rep. Ellmers' staffer, we had the opportunity to speak to Rep. Ellmers for a few minutes. After sharing our stories, Rep. Ellmers shared her own experience with secondary infertility. I felt a connection with her even though I was only in her presence for a few minutes. She was part of our community. She understands this pain firsthand.

While I'm not sure that I convinced all of these individuals to support the Family Act and the Women Veterans and Other Health Care Improvements Act, I felt like I poured my heart out. I showed how passionate I am about spreading the word about how infertility affects so many people on so many levels.

I felt so many feelings over those past two days. I was humbled and honored to be in the presence of strong women and men. I felt heartbroken for those like myself who have gone through so many treatments yet still do not hold that child that they've been working so hard for. The child that they want so badly. I felt joy and happiness for the individuals who have been blessed with a child or children whether it was through infertility treatments or through adoption. I felt grateful for these "resolved" individuals. They still feel like part of the infertility community and they wanted to spend their time advocating for others.

Even if you didn't attend Advocacy Day, there are still ways to advocate for these pieces of legislation. You can head over to the RESOLVE website and learn more about the Family Act (S 881/HR 1851) and the Women Veterans and Other Health Care Improvements Act (S 131/HR 958). You can write to your Senators and representatives and share your story. Ask them to show support for these pieces of legislation. Make your voice heard.

Thank you to RESOLVE for providing me with the opportunity to speak on the behalf of so many. To share my story. To meet so many of my supporters in person. This was an amazing experience. One that I will never forget. I feel like it changed me in some ways. It made me want to be more active in the infertility community. To give a voice to infertility. I'm already looking forward to Advocacy Day 2014 and to continue advocating for the disease that is ignored by so many. To give a face to infertility.

Advocacy Day 2013

{via}

I am so excited to share with you all that I will be attending Advocacy Day in Washington, D.C. next Wednesday. During Advocacy Day, myself and other members of the infertility community will be presented with opportunities to meet with Congressional representatives to lobby for the Family Act, which would provide individuals and couples with the opportunity to apply for tax credits when paying for IVF cycles. Another piece of legislation that will be discussed is the Women's, Veteran's, and Other Care Improvements Act. According to the RESOLVE website, this bill would "improve the reproductive assistance provided by the Department of Veterans Affairs to severely wounded, ill, or injured veterans and their spouses, and for other purposes" (RESOLVE, 2013).

In addition to spending the day on Capitol Hill and advocating, I'll also have the opportunity to meet up with some of my biggest Twitter supporters. One of these women, Casey who blogs over at Chances Our, posed some questions for bloggers who would be attending Advocacy Day. These questions were designed to provide a little background about each advocate.

1. Where are you in your infertility journey right now? In one sentence!

Over the past 5 years, I've been diagnosed with PCOS, hypothyroidism, and LPD and have been through 7 rounds of oral medication, 5 IUIs, 2 IVFs, 2 FETs, and 3 miscarriages.

2. What inspired you to go to RESOLVE Advocacy Day 2013?

Infertility has touched my life on so many levels. For a long time, I was very secretive about our infertility journey, but now that I have opened up about it, I have realized that my story can make a difference. I've finally found something that I'm passionate about and want to talk about. Additionally, The Family Act and the Women's, Veteran's, and Other Care Improvements Act both touch my life personally. I am a military spouse who is at the end of our treatment journey partially due to the high cost of IVF. I want to make sure that our government leaders know that millions of people are affected by this disease and more action should be taken to help individuals and couples build their families.

3. What do you want Congress to understand about infertility?

That infertility is a disease that affects 1 in 8 couples. Even though infertility is an uphill battle, there are many treatments available that can help build families. Unfortunately because of the high costs of many of these treatments and lack of insurance coverage, many individuals and couples don't have access to these treatments.

4. What are you looking most forward to about Advocacy Day?

Making my voice heard and meeting a group of women who have played a major role in my infertility journey. They've been there for my highs and lows and my ups and downs. I'm forever grateful to know these strong and amazing women.

5. What is one thing other advocates will be surprised to learn about you when they meet you?

That I'm a very plain and simple person. I don't spend much time on my hair and wear little to no makeup. I'm very unglamorous. Also, that I'm very shy when I first meet people. It may take a little time for me to warm up to everyone.

If you'd like to meet some of my fellow advocates, click on their names to visit their blogs!

Casey 

Jen

Miss Ohkay 

Whitney Anderson 

Holly 

Carrie 

Katie 

Kelley 

Fran Meadows 

National Infertility Awareness Week - Join the Movement

{via}

I'm almost embarrassed to say that I almost missed out on posting something about National Infertility Awareness Week since my blog is primarily about infertility. Over the past six days, I've been reading amazing posts about how members of the infertility community have opened up about their own infertility journeys, struggles, and successes. I felt like whatever I might decide to write about couldn't compare to the numerous posts that have already been beautifully written.

However.... Something happened today that changed my unwillingness to want to write a post of my own. Something reminded me why it was so important for me to open up about our infertility struggles and our journey in the first place....

I went to lunch today with some girlfriends who just happen to also be members of the infertility community. At said lunch, I was presented with a care package for our upcoming FET. It wasn't so much the actual material items that overwhelmed me - it was the fact that so many people have been thinking about me and have gone out their way to offer their love and support towards E and I.

For many couples, infertility can be an isolating experience and very difficult to navigate, especially if you're going through it alone. While opening up about our journey was scary and nerve-wracking in the beginning, I've found that sharing has been extremely beneficial - not only for myself, but for others as well. The generosity of others that was shown to me today reminded me that I couldn't have made it this far without the support of the infertility community.

Over the years, I've joined different support communities. Back in 2010, after our first miscarriage, I decided to start blogging as an emotional outlet for all the overwhelming feelings that I was experiencing. In the beginning, I didn't have a large amount of followers, but I felt like blogging was therapeutic and helped me deal with our infertility diagnosis and loss. After a few months, I discovered that there were literally hundreds and hundreds of bloggers out there who were traveling down a similar road. I started connecting with a handful of them and eventually joined the infertility community on Twitter. I connected with so many other strong women and even met some local women who have become some of my nearest and dearest friends. I shared my own experiences and received support, advice, and love. I also offered all of the same things back to others. (I think it's important to remember that this isn't all about you. You need to reciprocate!)

I was open with family and friends if they ever inquired about why we didn't have children yet and offered as much information on an as-needed basis. Unfortunately, I came to realize that I didn't seem to receive the same kind of emotional support as I was receiving through my online support communities. I received mixed reactions from people. I was completely ignored by others. I was hurt and confused. Infertility is a disease that affects so many people - 1 in 8 couples to be exact. Why was I being treated like this didn't matter? Why did I feel so isolated by those who should have been the most supportive?

When I found out that the theme of this year's National Infertility Awareness Week was going to be about joining the movement and sharing a variety of information about infertility and changing the conversation about infertility, I made the decision to share more than I have in the past on the mother of all social media - Facebook. While I officially "came out" on Facebook last year during NIAW, I didn't post often about infertility. I actually didn't post much at all. I was too busy being a bitter Betty and hiding all of my pregnant friends and oversharing mommy friends. This year, I decided that I would be brave and share more. Maybe the reason why people that I knew in my "real life" couldn't offer support was because they didn't know enough about infertility in the first place. I also wanted to bring to light the fact that I most likely was not the only person that people knew who was dealing with infertility.

Throughout the week, I posted information that I gathered from the RESOLVE website - statistical information, frequently asked questions about infertility, and how to offer support to those experiencing infertility. On Tuesday, I posted about our own struggles. About our treatment journey and about our losses. I was amazed by the support that I received. I think the most meaningful comment on that post came from a friend who has not been personally affected by infertility. R's quote read: "Thank you for opening people's eyes to this world that so many suffer from in silence. I always wish I could do more to help support people suffering from this. You are truly an inspiration and I pray your journey ends quickly. You are touching many lives for sure."

This single comment made me feel accomplished. I felt like all of the information that I was willing to share opened someone's eyes to the struggle that is infertility. I've told people time and time again who are shocked by my openness, that if my story can help at least one person, then all this openness will be worth it. If my Facebook posts can help others who don't know how to offer support to someone they know who is experiencing infertility, I feel accomplished. If my blog posts help a fellow infertile advocate for him or herself during their own journey, I feel accomplished. If my tweets of support help a friend get through a particularly rough patch, I feel accomplished. Typically, I'm a very guarded person in regards to my feelings, but sharing has helped me make it through these past five years of loss and disappointment and sadness.

I will also feel a new sense of accomplishment when I travel to Washington D.C. next week to join numerous other amazing infertility advocates at Advocacy Day. I look forward to meeting so many of my online supporters as well as discuss important legislation that could help more individuals and couples afford infertility treatments. While I'm intimidated to be meeting with political representatives, I'm honored to be representing my community. I want my voice heard. I want to make a difference in the lives of others. I want to share my passion with others.

Before I end this seemingly long entry, I also want to share some basic information with you about infertility just in case you're a new reader of my blog.

• Infertility is a disease that affects 1 in 8 couples who are of reproductive age. 
• There are many causes of infertility. It is not just a woman's issue. 
• Infertility impacts many different aspects of an individual's life including: physical, emotional, mental, and financial. 
• There are many ways to build your family including: oral medications, IUI, IVF, FET, surrogacy, adoption, embryo adoption, sperm or egg donation, and living as child-free family. 
• If you have been trying to conceive for a year (or six months if you're 35 years or older), there are specialists that can be seen to help you move forward in your journey. 

For more information on infertility and NIAW, please visit the following links on the RESOLVE website:

http://www.resolve.org/infertility-overview/what-is-infertility/
http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/about.html

Remember to join the movement. Even though it might be hard to share your story, you have the power to help others open their eyes to the infertility world and support others who are struggling within the community. You CAN make a difference.

Long Time, No See

Source: google.pt via Lauren on Pinterest

It's been quiet around these parts because I'm still trying to wrap my head around our chemical pregnancy from IVF #2 and our upcoming FET cycle. I've been trying to keep busy with work and trying to tone up before yet another round of drugs and a transfer, but sometimes my mind wanders back to our constant cycling and countless failures. We're embarking on our 4th transfer in a little over a year. Our 5 year TTC anniversary is next week. E turns 31 at the end of this week. Is this where I thought we'd be at this point in our lives? Most certainly not. I figured by the time I turned 30 and E turned 31, we'd have at least one child, maybe two. I'm trying so hard to push away the negative thoughts and focus all my energy on being positive that this transfer could be it. Honestly though, it's hard.

I'm thankful that I don't have to go through all the stimming and another egg retrieval. An FET protocol is fairly simple in comparison to an IVF cycle. I've been on birth control for about two and a half weeks now and will continue for another week. My L.upron is scheduled to arrive sometime on Thursday and I'll be starting once a day injections on Saturday that will last for 20 days (ugh). I'm hoping that the migraines stay away this time around. I'll begin E.strace to build up my lining on the 12th. I'll slowly work my way up to taking this pill three times a day. My transfer date is set for the 30th and I don't think that date will change.

The big decision that we have hanging over our heads right now is how many embryos to transfer. We transferred three with this last IVF cycle and our RE is advising three again based on our track record. Currently, we have seven embryos in storage. I think that we're going to move forward with three and hope that at least one will decide that he or she wants to stick around this time. I think what I'm most terrified about is another terrible thaw (like with FET #1) and that this will be it for us. We made a mutual decision months ago that this last IVF cycle would be our last retrieval. I'm physically, emotionally, and mentally done with the process. However, I'm also scared that this will be our last transfer ever.

On May 11 we'll know where we stand. Will we be presented with an opportunity to finally become parents or will we be mourning the loss of more (possibly all remaining) embryos? I hope that it's the first option. Only time will tell.

Where I Also Blog

{via}

I recently became a contributing author over at Bloggers for Hope. The authors of Bloggers For Hope create posts that are meant to inform readers about a variety of infertility issues and different ways that families can be built. My posts provide information on different types of treatment options, such as IUI and IVF. Currently, I'm writing a series on the various aspects of IVF. Part 1 was posted today and can be found here.

In addition to posts about treatment options, other topics that are covered include: adoption, pregnancy after a loss, and miscarriage and loss. If you're looking for an informative website with a variety of different experiences and viewpoints, please join us over at Bloggers For Hope.

Why Surrogacy Is Not For Me

Let me preface this post by saying that these are my personal opinions on surrogacy. I'm not implying in any way that surrogacy shouldn't be an option for others.

Ever since our first IVF cycle failed, a few people have asked me the question, "Have you ever considered surrogacy?" My response to the question has always been, "We have, but it's not an option for us."

Said people have asked why we won't consider surrogacy as an option to expand our family. I have three reasons.

1. I want to know what it feels like the be pregnant. I want this coveted job. Even though I've been pregnant twice (three times if you count the chemical pregnancy), I've never actually felt my babies moving. I've never felt the kicking. The only thing I've felt is the nausea. I want to experience movement. I want to experience labor even though the thought of it terrifies me. I want to see my baby in my stomach up on the ultrasound screen. I've been robbed of all these wonderful experiences and moments so far.

2. The chance of another miscarriage. We don't know why our embryos aren't sticking around. It could be chromosomal issues or implantation issues. Hell - it could be a combination of both for all we know. I don't want to risk putting someone else through a miscarriage. Miscarriages are physically, emotionally, and mentally devastating. Based on my past history, I couldn't risk it.

3. Cost. Surrogates can cost upwards of $20,000+. We didn't even pay that much money for a round of IVF. If we did decide to go down the surrogacy route and it didn't work, then we wouldn't have enough funds for adoption.

Does anyone else share my views (or at least some of them)? I feel like they're all rational and shows why surrogacy is just not a good option for my family.

Statistics Lie

Source: Uploaded by user via Lauren on Pinterest

According to my RE, my clinic's IVF success rate hovers right around 50%. During our WTF appointment after the disaster known as FET #1, we were encouraged to go through with another IVF cycle in January/February. Since the clinic's success rate is about 50%, it made sense to go ahead and try again. Our embryos were good quality and we got a decent amount of eggs for a PCOS'er like myself. Statistically, we should have been successful, right?

Statistics were not on my side during IVF #2.

A few days after my transfer, I felt cramping. I started getting nauseous about halfway through the day. I started having food aversions to chicken and avocados. Even though I felt terrible, I felt hopeful. The nausea and food aversions reminded me of my first pregnancy. Deep down, I felt like I was pregnant.

I was told by my nurse on transfer day that I could start testing at 7dp3dt (or 10 dpo). I'm a POAS addict, so of course I wanted to test ASAP. I took a test as soon as I woke up on Friday morning (2 weeks ago). I walked away for awhile to get breakfast for the dogs and to take my morning medications. When I walked back into the bathroom and looked at test, I couldn't believe my eyes. I saw a second line. It was faint, but it was there. I hadn't seen a second line since October 2010. I immediately called E to tell him the news. We were both excited, but cautious at the same time. During my second pregnancy, I saw faint lines for days and we all know how that one ended up. My RE nurse called to check up on me that afternoon and I had spilled the beans that I finally got a positive test. She was overjoyed for me and asked I wanted to come in for an early beta. I foolishly declined because I would have had to wait until Tuesday for a follow-up due to President's Day weekend. I told her that I would just keep peeing on sticks and I would see her on Tuesday morning.

I tested on Saturday and Sunday. More faint lines. I used a different brand of test and had wondered if the first test was more sensitive compared to the newer tests.

I tested on Monday. No second line. Spotting.

Later in the morning - red blood.

I broke down. I crawled back into bed with the dogs and cried for what seemed like hours.

I called E to break the bad news to him. In the almost 12 years that I've known E, I've heard him cry only a handful of times. This news made him cry. I felt like the worst wife in the world. I broke my husband's heart. He was so positive throughout this whole cycle and once again my body failed us.

I went in for my worthless beta on Tuesday morning before heading off to work. I started crying before my nurse walked into the room. Her face fell when she saw my face. We talked about the positive, but faint tests, and discussed the possibility of it being a chemical pregnancy.

My beta came back at 0.5. Not pregnant. This seems to be a recurrent theme in my life.

My RE agreed with the possibility of it being a chemical pregnancy because of the 3 days worth of positive pregnancy tests. A third loss. An early loss, but still a loss nonetheless.

I guess the only upside to this round of IVF is that at least one of our embryos tried to stick around. We did have a fighter in there.

Obviously, I'm devastated. I'm angry. I'm sad. I'm heartbroken. I'm confused. In less than a year, we've lost 11 embryos.

We have 7 embryos waiting for us right now. Will we have another disastrous thaw? Will there be implantation issues? Will one of the embryos decided that he or she wants to stick around? So many questions, but no answers.

As of right now, I'm not on any fertility-related medications. If CD 1 doesn't come around by March 21st, then I have to go in for another beta before I can start birth control pills for FET. My baseline ultrasound will be sometime during the last week of March. My transfer should be at the end of April.

I don't know what to think anymore. I'm scared that this FET could possibly be our last attempt at having biological children.

Right now, I sit and wait. Always waiting.