Lack of Support

Is there anyone out there who feels a complete lack of support from family members as they pursue fertility treatments? I can't be the only one. Here's a perfect example of how my mother doesn't support me at all.

Last night I called my parents' house for my weekly check-in. First question that my mom asks, "Are you and E coming to the beach the week of August 19th?". I've known for a few days now that my transfer for FET will be on August 21, so obviously, the answer is no. I proceed to tell her that we won't be able to make it and completely open up about the reason why. I told her that our April IVF was unsuccessful and that we would be attempting another transfer in August.

After explaining all of this to her, she proceeds to try and guilt-trip me into coming (even though there's no way possible to make it up to the beach with my treatment schedule). After the guilt is laid on, she says, "Oh did you hear that A (my younger cousin) had her baby not too long ago?" I thought to myself, "Why the eff would I want to hear about my much younger cousin having her first child when I just got done telling you that my IVF cycle failed?"

At that point, I had to lie and said that I had to go. I was furious.

So just when I think this beach situation is all said and done, I get a voicemail from my mom this morning stating that I was being selfish for not making time to go to the beach and that my dad's feelings were really hurt. If my dad's feelings were hurt, why wasn't he the one calling? I think that statement is a load of BS.

If you thought I was furious last night, I was so angry this morning that I was literally shaking. I had to hold myself back from calling her and totally flipping out on her. Instead, I opted to send an email. Here is what I wrote:

Dad, 

Please pass this on to mom because truthfully, I'm too angry to call her and discuss the voicemail that she left me on Monday morning while I was at the gym. 

I don't understand the need to call and essentially try to guilt-trip me about E and I not being able to come to the shore in a few weeks. I already apologized several times and explained the situation to you last night. If you (Dad) had an issue with this, why weren't you the one to talk to me about this? I explained this all to you while I was home for my graduation and I thought that we had an understanding. 

I felt that the voicemail was very passive aggressive and unnecessary. My procedure is August 21 (a date that I told you (Mom) several times), not August 22. I have almost daily appointments leading up the procedure; therefore, a trip all the way up to MD is not feasible. Like I said on the phone last night, I didn't choose this date. I've been waiting since our IVF cycle failed in May to move on with the next step. I'm not even sure why I was honest with you about why we couldn't come. I should have said that E couldn't have off from work. Why do I feel like this? Well, the obvious lack of support. I know you may not agree with the road we have taken in order to try and have children, but that's the way it must be. Also, I don't know why you felt the need to bring up the news about A and her baby when I just got done telling you that our IVF round failed! Why do I want to hear about my much younger, newly married cousin having her first child when I've suffered 2 miscarriages and have been trying for over 4 years to have our own child? I have to deal with hearing about friends getting pregnant almost immediately after they started trying or even friends who are pregnant with their second or third child. I don't need the added reminder from you that someone else gets what I want so badly.  

This is the last time I'm bringing up anything fertility related because I'm going through my cycle right now and don't need the added stress. I need to be in a positive mindset while I stick myself with needles and take pills in order to give myself a chance of having a child of my own. 

Again, I'm sorry that I messed up your plans, but trying to have a child is more important to me than spending a few days at the beach. I'm sorry that you don't or can't see it that way also. 

Lauren

I felt that I was very polite (well as polite as one can be in this situation) and said everything that needed to be said. Do you think I'm overreacting or being too harsh? Has anyone else experienced this? If so, what have you done? 

Ending My Blogging Hiatus

Hey there bloggies. Sorry about the lack of updates, but I needed to take some time for my emotional and mental health. Also, I didn't think everyone wanted to read only depressing and whiny posts. I'm back now and have hopped on the FET (frozen embryo transfer) train after waiting for what seemed like an eternity.

I had my baseline ultrasound earlier in the week and thankfully everything was quiet in there. I've been on birth control for almost 2 months, so if there was anything happening in there, I would have been shocked. I received my medications from my mail order pharmacy on Tuesday, received my official calendar on Wednesday, and picked up the remaining medications today. As far as medications go, I'm loaded. However, since there is no stimming involved for FET, there are a lot less medications than with IVF.

(See? Not so bad)

Just in case you were wondering (and I'm sure you were), here's a brief summary of my protocol: 

• July 28 - Start 20 units of L.upron (Stay away L.upron headaches)
• July 31 - Take last BCP (Thank goodness)
• August 3 - Start E.strace once a day, reduce L.upron to 10 units, start baby aspirin regiment 
• August 6 - Start D.oxycycline
• August 8 - Increase E.strace to twice a day
• August 13 - Reduce E.strace to once a day
• August 16 - Trigger shot, last dose of L.upron
• August 18 - Start E.ndometrin and M.edrol
• August 20 - Start pre-transfer medications 
• August 21 - Transfer day! Finish D.oxycycline and M.edrol 
• August 31 - Beta #1
• September 3 - Beta #2 

Of course, all of these dates and things could be pushed up or pushed back by a few days if necessary. I'm hoping that things stay on track though, because I'm supposed to travel with E on August 24 to watch him compete in his first (and maybe last) I.ronman triathlon. He's been training so hard for the past 5 months and it would be a shame to miss him competing in this huge event. 

Also, our consent forms are due at the clinic where the transfer will take place by August 10. Our current dilemma/decision is how many embies we want to thaw and transfer. Our RE suggests transferring 3, but I'm not so sure that we would be able to handle triplets, so we're leaning towards transferring 2. This may change depending on my next discussion with RE, but for right now, I'm saying 2. 

I'll try to post more often, but I'm not making any promises. The posts may just be short FET updates, because I'm still feeling very sad and unhappy about the way things have turned out for us. I'm trying to clear my mind and stay in a positive mindset for this FET cycle, because I want this to work more than anything. 

Blog Break

I haven't been around much and that's for a good reason. I haven't had many positive things to write about, so I've decided to take a step back. I'm still struggling with our IVF failure and struggling with the fact that treatments have worked for others. Don't get me wrong - I'm so, so happy that these women no longer have to struggle with the getting pregnant part; however, I feel left behind. I hope I can join them all on the other side after our FET in August.

Also, my due date for Angel Baby #2 is quickly approaching - July 12. Who would have thought that 2 years later, E and I would still be fighting for our miracle?

I don't know when I'll be back to blogging. Probably around the time of our FET. I ordered my meds yesterday and will have my baseline ultrasound to make sure everything is still quiet on the 25th.