The title of this post pretty much sums it up. I'm going to keep it brief at this point because I'm still trying to wrap my head around all of this.
I decided to POAS on Friday morning (9dp3dt) just because I couldn't hold out any longer. Negative. My RE's nurse just happened to call and check in that afternoon, so I confessed that I took a test. She told me that it might still be too early and to try again tomorrow or Sunday. I tested again on Saturday. Another negative. Cue the bright red spotting just as I was getting ready to head out to a fellow IFer's baby shower (if this isn't irony, I don't know what is).
The spotting only lasted for a few hours then stopped. Maybe late implantation? When I woke up on Sunday morning, there was blood, blood, and more blood. There may have been some small clots but it was really hard to tell. I had a strong feeling that this was all over on Friday, but this definitely confirmed it for me.
I dutifully continued my progesterone and baby aspirin regimen as directed by my RE even though I knew it was worthless at this point. I went in for my beta this morning and to talk about FET with RE nurse. Since my clinic is military-run, fresh IVF cycles are not performed every month. FETs are scheduled based on fresh IVF cycles. The next fresh cycle isn't scheduled until August, which means no FET for me until August. Looks like I'll start BCPs and L.upron sometime in July.
Beta results came in around 2:30 this afternoon - HCG = 0.5 and progesterone = 8.7. While my RE nurse told me that the progesterone is on the low side because of the lack of HCG in my system, I still want to pursue other options/tests before FET.
Emotionally and mentally, I'm drained. I cried all morning on Friday. Cried Saturday. Cried Sunday. Cried this afternoon. I can't cry anymore. The odds were in our favor this time - 2 "perfect" embryos were transferred and my body, for some reason, couldn't support them. I feel so defeated. So lost. Heartbroken. I guess all I can do now is focus on losing these 10 pounds from these meds and be healthier for FET. Maybe next time our ending will be a happy one.
11 comments:
I'm so very sorry.
UGH, I am so sorry Lauren, I hate this for you..I also hate that you have to wait til the end of summer too, that is awful. YUCK!
HUGS!!
I'm so sorry, Lauren. Sending hugs your way.
Oh sweetie, I am so SO sorry you are going through this. How awful. I have faith that the FET will work for you though! I know July/August seems like it's so far away, but maybe a small break in the meantime will be good for you to regroup. I'll be thinking of you!
I'm so sorry Lauren. I know just how insanely difficult it is being an IF and a military spouse. The two do not go hand in hand and it's just awful. Keep your head held high, cry as much as you need, and know there is always tomorrow.
Damn. I'm so sorry to be reading this. I know there are no words I could type that would actually provide the comfort you need. You're in my thoughts.
I am so very sorry Lauren. Losing a possible dream, a possible child, when doing IVF is so hard. My first IVF I too had such hopes that it would work. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
I am so, so sorry Lauren. My heart hurts for you, it's just so unfair. HUge hugs your way.
Nice picture ;) Though you know I wish so very very much that it weren't applicable in this case.
We'll get there. It's not fair, it's not easy, and it sucks a ridiculous amount, but we'll get there.
I'm so very sorry, Lauren. :( ((HUGS))
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