Goodbye 2011.

Source: fiskars.com via Amanda on Pinterest

2011 didn't really turn out the way that I expected it to. While there were definitely some highlights, the bad seemed to overshadow the good.

The Bad:

• E has been deployed for almost a year.
• We suffered through 1 failed F.emara cycle, 4 failed IUI's, and one cancelled cycle because of overstimulation.
• I found out that I have issues with my luteal phase and progesterone levels, which may or may not have contributed to miscarriage #2.
• I had 3 ovarian cysts rupture at once, which was probably the worst pain I've ever experienced in my whole life.
• I had to put myself on the IVF wait list (I guess this is good/bad).

The Good:

• E and I got to spend 2 wonderful weeks together while he was home for R&R.
• I finished 16 college classes and maintained my 4.0 GPA.
• I met some fabulous new girlfriends here in NC.
• My niece, baby A, was born.
• My saline sonogram came back all clear. Hopefully my HSG comes back clear also.

Goals for 2012:

• Get pregnant and stay pregnant (I know this is pretty much out of my control, but it would be beyond wonderful if this goal is achieved).
• Continue to eat healthy and exercise regularly. I'm looking forward to E coming home so I can start cooking again on a regular basis. It's so hard to cook for one!
• Be the best student teacher that I can be. I'm looking forward to actually teaching full time for 12 weeks.
• Graduate with a 4.0! Graduation day is coming up soon - June 15, 2012.
• Get a teaching job and start researching how to obtain my reading specialist degree and/or ESL certification.
• Throw E a surprise 30th birthday party.
• Find a new hobby - I was thinking about maybe taking guitar lessons (since I actually have an acoustic guitar) or taking a class to learn how to use P.hotoshop correctly at the local community college.
• Volunteer - at least a few hours a week.
• Take a trip with E to someplace we've never been to before. This may include a trip to Florida to see the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. I would also love to take a long weekend trip out to Asheville.
• Walk the dogs more often. Right now the dogs get one walk a day. I'm hoping to bump it up to two walks a day. This will be good for all of us.
• Replace the carpets in our guest bedrooms with hardwood flooring. Maybe our tax return will be enough to complete this goal!

Thanks to my readers for following me throughout the year. I appreciate all of the support you have given me! I hope 2012 is a great year for all of us!

Christmas Recap

Hey bloggies!

It's been a crazy few weeks. I just got back from a 10 day trip to Pennsylvania yesterday and I'm happy to be home!

First, I spent 2 glorious days with my best friend, her husband, and baby A! I'm so in love with this little girl. I got to spend some quiet, cuddle time with her while mom and dad got a little extra sleep. I changed diapers, made bottles, fed her bottles, and burped her like a pro. All of my nannying/daycare experiences definitely helped me insert myself into their routine. She's such a happy little baby and I'm so glad that I got to meet her. BFF and I also got to cook, bake, and chat together. We made 4 types of Christmas cookies (including these lemon ricotta cookies, which were AMAZING), eggnog waffles, and chicken and pasta with cream sauce. I think I gained my 3 pounds back that I had lost before going home.

(Baby burrito. This is before she "hulked" out of the swaddler.)

(Such a sleepy girl!)

(Check out my awesome Santa onesie from Aunt Lauren!)

(BFF and I. Love this picture!)

After hanging out with BFF and family, I made my way back down to my parents' house for the next 3 days. I met up with a friend to check out bridesmaid dresses for her upcoming wedding in July. I need to get over to Da.vid's B.ridal to order mine in the next few weeks.

The parents and I went to Christmas Eve mass. Unfortunately, they decided to go to the children's mass, which was kind of difficult for me to sit through. So many pregnant bellies, adorable babies, laughing children, and happy families. Thankfully, I made it through without crying, even though it was hard at times. After dinner, I got to watch "A Christmas Story", which is my Christmas Eve tradition. Love it!

Christmas morning was nice and relaxing. My parents got me an awesome N.orth Face jacket, a leg lamp ornament, a few gift cards, and some kitchen goodies. After indulging in our Christmas feast, we headed over to my aunt's house. I haven't seen my extended family since our wedding 5 years ago. I was warned a few days prior that my one cousin announced to everyone at Thanksgiving that she just found out that her and her husband were expecting. Thankfully, her and her husband spent the night at her husband's family's house. On the other hand, one aunt did ask, "So when are you and E having kids". With no expression in my face, I replied, "We've been trying for almost 4 years". Yes, that shut her up. No, I didn't feel bad about it.

(Christmas tree #1)

(My awesome jacket. Excuse the PJ pants.)

(Someone looks bored)

(Leg lamp ornament! This will be the first one that goes up next year.)

(Murph-man with his new toy, which he promptly destroyed in 10 minutes.)

The next day, I headed up to E's parents' house for a few days. My father-in-law's birthday was on Monday, so we cooked a Mexican fiesta for dinner. We made some awesome homemade guacamole, black bean and chicken enchiladas, and fried ice cream. The fried ice cream was a disaster, but everything else turned out perfectly. Next, we opened Christmas and birthday presents. My in-laws gave me some bakeware and a beautiful piece of artwork that I was admiring when visiting an art gallery in DC earlier this year. My little sister-in-law also painted cute pictures frames for E and I.

(Christmas tree #2)

(Awesome print)

(Hey Bella!)

I also had the opportunity to hang out with one of my college roommates, H and another friend K. I had a great time chatting and catching up with these ladies. I wish we lived closer so I could see my friends more than once a year. I also wish I had taken some more pictures. I always bring the camera along, but forget to take it out.

While Christmas was fun, I do hope that next year we have our own child to share it with. I felt like there was something missing as I celebrated with family and friends. I hope everyone had a great time with your family and friends this holiday season.

Wordless Wednesday

(Fun with Insta.gram!)

A Soldier's Christmas Poem

I came across this poem when I was taking a technology course over the summer. I wish I could figure out how to upload the mp3 because the reading brings the poem to life. Instead, I'll just share the written poem here.

- Author Unknown

Twas the night before Christmas, he lived all alone,

In a one bedroom house made of plaster and stone,

I had come down the chimney with presents to give

And to see just who in this home did live,

I looked all about, a strange site did I see,

No tinsel, no presents, not even a tree,

No stockings by the mantle, Just boots filled with sand,

On the wall hung pictures of far distance lands.

With Medals and badges, Awards of all kinds,

A sober thought came through my mind.

For this house was different, it was dark and dreary,

I had found the home of a soldier once I could see clearly

I heard stories about them, I had to see more

So I walked down the hall and pushed open the door.

The solider lay sleeping, silent, alone,

Curled up in this, His one bedroom home.

The face was so gentle, the room in such disorder

Not how I pictured a United States Solider.

Was this the War Hero of whom I’d just read?

Curled up on a poncho, the floor for a bed?

His head was clean shaven, his weathered face tan,

I soon understood this was more than a man.

I realized the families that I saw this night

Owed they’re lives to these soldiers who were willing to fight.

Soon round the world the children would play

And grownups celebrate a bright Christmas day.

They enjoyed freedom each month of the year,

Because of these soldiers like the one lying here.

I couldn’t help wonder how many lay alone

On a cold Christmas Eve, in a land far from home.

The very thought brought a tear to my eye

Dropped to my knees and started to cry.

The Soldier awakened and I hear a rough voice,

“Santa don’t cry, this is my life my choice:

I fight for freedom, I don’t ask for more

My life is my god, my country my Corps.”

The Solider rolled over and soon drifted to sleep

I couldn’t control it I started to weep.

I kept watch for hours. So silent and still

And we both shivered from the cold nights chill.

I took off my jacket, the one made of red,

And I covered this Soldier from his toes to his head.

And I put on his T-shirt of gray and black,

With an eagle and an Army patch embroidered on back.

And although it barely fit me, I began to swell with pride,

And for a shining moment, I was United States Army deep inside.

I didn’t want to leave on that cold dark night,

This guardian of honor, so willing to fight.

Then the Solider rolled over with a voice soft and pure,

Whispered, “Carry on Santa, Christmas Day is Secure”

One look at my watch and I knew he was right

Merry Christmas my friend and to all a good night.

Happy holidays!

It's been a rough couple of days - dealing with pregnant bellies, adorable babies, excited children, and happy families. I pray that all of my friends struggling with infertility and loss this holiday season find some peace and joy. I'm sorry that 2011 has been so tough for so many - myself included. I hope that 2012 brings us all the babies that we've been dreaming, hoping, and praying for. I want to share the joy of the holidays with my own children. I want to see their smiling faces as they open their presents under the tree. I want to dress them in fleece pajamas and snuggle with them by the fire. Please Santa, make a mommy by this time next year.

To all of my readers - Happy Holidays! Enjoy the precious time spent with family and friends. For my milspouse friends who have deployed husbands - thank you for your sacrifice. I know I'm looking forward to having E home in a few weeks or so. I'll catch everyone up on the holiday happenings once I get back to NC next week.

Hello Baby A!

(Love at first sight!)

A real update

I guess it's about time to sit down and write a post about what's been going on now that I have some motivation to write. The past 3 months have basically been a whirlwind of studying, writing papers, and completing observation hours.

I finished up my finals about 2 weeks ago and my final grades have finally been posted. I'm happy to report that my 4.0 lives on! At the beginning of the quarter, I thought that this quarter would be easy. Boy was I wrong. I think this was by far the hardest quarter so far. I worked my butt off, was exposed to topics that I haven't studied before, and found that I love working with ESL students. I'm even considering getting an add-on certification to work with ESL students once I finish up my master's/initial certification. I start my last quarter of classes on January 9th. I have 3 classes - World Geography, Mathematics Instruction, and Child Development. Hopefully the classes are interesting!

In addition to finishing up my classes, I'll also be finishing up my P.raxis tests that are required for certification. I take my content knowledge test (the one that I'm dreading) on January 9th and the curriculum test sometime in mid-March.

Finally, I got my student teaching assignment. I will be working with 5th grade students and couldn't be more excited about my placement. The class is small (only 15 students) and they work in small groups for the majority of the day. The small group setting will provide me with some great opportunities to practice differentiation in lesson planning and provide more one-on-one support to students. Graduation is June 15th - the countdown is on!

Since the quarter ended, I've been doing a whole bunch of nothing. Too much time on the computer and in front of the television. While I enjoy the lack of school stress, I'm bored! However with all of my free time, I managed to get all of my Christmas shopping and wrapping done early. I also made some homemade Christmas gifts for friends and started on my baking. I told myself that I would limit the baking this year, but once again, I found myself adding more cookies to the list. Today I made chocolate walnut fudge, chocolate crinkle cookies, and shortbread cookies. Tomorrow, I'll finish up with pumpkin snickerdoodles and peanut butter blossoms.

E surprised me with some awesome anniversary presents. He sent me a beautiful bouquet of Christmas flowers and bought me a sapphire ring. Great presents this year, E!

I'm looking forward to heading home for the holidays. First, I'll be spending a few days with my BFF and my little niece. I'm beyond excited to have some girl time! After my visit, I'll be spending a few days with my parents and then a few days with E's family. I have plans to hang out with some high school and college friends and to go bridesmaid dress shopping for a July wedding that I'll be in.

With Christmas approaching, the end of deployment is also approaching. We have a general idea of when E will be home and it's getting closer every day. I can't wait for him to come home. We're planning on having a late Christmas/anniversary celebration. I got him a few small presents and we're also thinking about taking a weekend trip to somewhere nice. Maybe Asheville or Savannah. We'll have to see what the weather is like when he gets home.

Of course I have to end this post with some pictures of the pups. I'm not sure if I'll be posting over the holidays, so I want to say Happy Holidays to all of my readers! Enjoy the time spent with family and friends!

Our 5th Anniversary!

I can't believe E and I have been married for 5 years now. Where has the time gone? It feels like our wedding was just yesterday. Let's take a trip down memory lane to our wedding day - December 16, 2006.

I remember how it was warmer than usual for December in Pennsylvania. I had bought my bridesmaids (and myself) shawls to cover our shoulders just in case it was cold outside during pictures. I don't think we needed them at all, but used them in some pictures anyway since they looked so nice with the dresses.

I remember sharing our first kiss as husband and wife. I also remember our priest cutting it off - I guess we kissed for a bit too long. Oops!

I remember riding in the limo to our wedding reception. Everyone took a shot of orange-flavored vodka that was bought by one of the groomsmen I believe. It was disgusting but helped to get us in the mood for a party.

I remember agreeing not to smash cake in each other's faces, but E doing it anyway. Don't worry - I got him back. Backhanded him in the mouth with some cake of my own.

I remember visiting with good friends and family and dancing the night away.

I remember thinking that our wedding turned out just the way we wanted it to. We didn't spend a lot of money on it, but it was perfect.

Over the past 5 years, we've been through a lot. Lots of adventures. Lots of moving. Expanding our family to include our 2 furry friends. Battling infertility. Conceiving but losing 2 angels. Buying our first house. Traveling to far off places. Making it through TDYs, PCSs, and deployments.

Hopefully the next 5 years (and beyond) will bring new experiences and adventures. Babies. More love. More happiness. More joy. I love you E!

Wordless Wednesday - Pinterest edition

Source: someecards.com via Lauren on Pinterest

Source: Uploaded by user via Lauren on Pinterest

Source: uniquelynormalmom.com via Lauren on Pinterest

The New Plan

It's been awhile since I've talked about TTC, but now that this deployment is almost over with, it's finally time to jump back on the rollercoaster.

I talked to Nurse D last Thursday about the lack of ovulation and the fact that I haven't had a cycle day 1 since our IUI #4 failure back in October. Since P.rovera does absolutely nothing for me, we decided that going back on the BCP would be the best option. Of course I had to go into the lab on Friday to take yet another blood pregnancy test. She called me back today to let me know that the test was negative (like we didn't know that already) and to start the BCP today. Since I have to have an HSG done, I'll be starting the BCP on Wednesday since radiology isn't back from the holidays until January 3rd, which should be cycle day 1. I'll stay on the BCP for one more cycle, then we will begin injections for IUI #5 - our last one before IVF #1.

Dr. P. wanted me to do a G.onal/M.enopur combo for IUI #4, but since we had to stretch out the cycle because of E's R&R, I only used the G.onal. Hopefully the new combo will reduce the stimming time from 3 and a half weeks to hopefully 1 and a half. After the IUI, I'll take the E.ndometrin twice a day until I get my BFP or AF rears her ugly head.

Hopefully E gets home before the beginning of February, otherwise IUI #5 will probably not happen. I know I'll have to start BCP for the IVF cycle towards the end of March. Cross your fingers that he gets home in time and that this works so we don't have to pursue IVF. It's time for something to work out for us, isn't it?

A Christmas Quiz

(Christmas 2010)

While catching up on my blog reading this weekend, I came across a Christmas quiz on the Annoyed Army Wife's blog. Since I'm still not in blogging mode, I thought this would be a fun little quiz to do to get into the holiday spirit.

Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? I had a sip of Egg Nog back when I was in college and thought it was absolutely disgusting. However, Lauren = choco-holic, so I'm definitely voting for hot chocolate. My absolute favorite hot chocolate drink is a nonfat hot chocolate from S.tarbucks. In a red cup, please!

Colored lights on tree/house or white? While I absolutely LOVE white lights on a tree, my faux tree has colored lights. When I bought my tree a few years ago, I waited too long and there were only colored lighted trees left in stock. Christmas fail. Next year, I plan on buying a real tree and stringing beautiful, clean, white lights all around it. I can't wait.

Do you hang mistletoe? No, but my mom hangs a fake mistletoe ball in one of the living room doorways each year. I think it looks horrendous. I'd never spring for the real stuff either because the dogs would probably think it was safe to eat. Wrong.

When do you put your decorations up? I typically decorate the weekend after Thanksgiving. This year is different though since E is deployed. I limited myself to one tote of Christmas decorations since I won't be around for the holidays. The only things I have up are a wreath for the front door, some garland, and a few mantle decorations.

What is your favorite holiday dish? I have a slight obsession with turkey and my mom makes it every year for Thanksgiving, as well as Christmas. So turkey and this creamed corn casserole that my mother-in-law makes. So many calories, but oh so good.

Favorite holiday memory as a child? When I first walked down into the living room on Christmas morning and saw all of the presents waiting for my brother and I under the Christmas tree. My parents didn't have grand and lavish Christmases when they were younger, so they always went all out for us when we were younger. There were literally mountains of presents, all beautifully wrapped. Just seeing all of the packages sitting under the lit Christmas tree was breathtaking. I can't wait to create a beautiful, welcoming scene like that for our own children someday.

When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? I want to say I was probably about 8 or 9 when I found that my parents were really Santa. My brother and I were snooping around one day and found the stash of Christmas gifts in my dad's closet. Half of the presents were marked "From Santa". Oops.

Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? No, that wasn't part of our family tradition. However, when we have children, I would like to give them cute Christmas pajamas to open up that they can wear to bed and wear in the morning while opening their presents.

How do you decorate your Christmas tree? The tree is pre-lit, so I just have to put up the ornaments. Last year, I kept it pretty simple. Put up a few balls, my D.isney ornaments, and my ornament to honor our angel babies.

Snow! Love it or dread it? I loved it as a child, but dread it now. I particularly dread it since we live down South where the town practically shuts down at the mention of a flurry. Please stay away this year, snow!

Do you remember your favorite gift? I've always been a huge fan of books for as long as I can remember. When I was 10, I got a giant box of books - The Babysitters Club books. Best present hands down.

What is your favorite holiday dessert? My mom's butter cookies and my white chocolate and almond bark.

What is your favorite holiday tradition? When I was younger, my favorite tradition was decorating the tree on Christmas Eve. Now, it's exchanging gifts with E before we head home for the holidays.

Candy Canes: Yuck or yum? Yuck, unless they're the kind that aren't peppermint flavored. I got a hold of some cherry flavored ones last year that were pretty awesome.

Favorite Christmas movie? Definitely "A Christmas Story"! I can't wait for the TBS 24 hour marathon starting on Christmas Eve.

Saddest Christmas song? "I'll Be Home For Christmas" - It was written about soldiers who couldn't be with their families during the holidays. I'm sad that E and many other soldiers will be away from their families this holiday season.

What is your favorite Christmas song? I really loved singing "Away In a Manager" and "Silent Night" when I was in the children's choir.

Hello Friday

I'm too lazy, tired, and sad to write a blog post for today, but I did take some cute pictures of the pups this week. I think I'll share them with you. Maybe I'll write something up tomorrow or Sunday. Hope everyone had a good week.

Wordless Wednesday - Pinterest edition

Source: dogs.icanhascheezburger.com via Lauren on Pinterest

Source: twitpic.com via Lauren on Pinterest

Another year older

Source: someecards.com via Kelli Michelle on Pinterest

I can't believe I'm 29 years old today. I just got used to telling people that I was 28 years old. I confess that I still think of myself as being about 24 years old on some days. I don't feel like I'm almost 30. Where has the time gone?

It's been quite a year of ups and downs and highs and lows. Even though I didn't conquer infertility and pregnancy loss this year, I did have quite a few accomplishments to put down in the record books.

• I finished 16 classes towards my teaching certification/master's degree.
• I maintained my 4.0 GPA.
• I survived 9 months of deployment with the pups.
• I became stronger physically through my hard work and dedication in the gym.
• I formed new friendships with some fabulous ladies.
• I grew closer to my best friend throughout her pregnancy, which I didn't think could happen, but it did.
• I successfully co-planned a baby shower with the help of BFF's sister and momma.
• My extended family grew to include my new little niece.

Here are some things that I hope to accomplish during my 29th year:

• Get pregnant and stay pregnant whether through my last IUI or through IVF/FET.
• Be the best student teacher that I can be to my 5th grade kiddos.
• Graduate with a 4.0 GPA and top honors in June.
• Research reading specialist programs (not even finished my degree, but already wanting to earn another degree).
• Plan and take a nice vacation with E when he returns from deployment.
• Obtain a teaching position - could be a full-time position or a sub position.
• Pursue a new hobby - maybe I'll finally take guitar lessons or learn how to use Photoshop.

I also noticed that I've finally surpassed the 200 follower mark. What a great birthday present for a blogger. I appreciate each of my readers and enjoy the comments that are left on many of my posts. I'm looking forward to blogging even more this year!

Cinnamon Sugar Bread

Two posts in one day? What's going on?! Since I'm officially finished with the fall quarter, I don't really have anything to do at the moment. I decided to take this weekend off from doing anything school-related, but starting tomorrow I'll be studying for my Pr.axis II tests.

I thought I would write up a post about a great recipe that I tried out earlier in the week. I was invited over to a friend's house for dinner on Friday and I volunteered to bring dessert. After searching around for a great quick bread recipe, I came across this cinnamon sugar bread recipe on Liz's blog - A Whisk and A Prayer. I've adapted a few of her recipes in the past and they have tasted divine. This bread was no exception! I did decrease the amount of sugar used in both the batter and the cinnamon sugar topping. I felt that 1 & 1/3 cups of sugar would have made the bread a little too sweet. I included the original amounts though just in case you like your bread extra sweet!

Ingredients

For the cinnamon sugar swirl:

1/4 cup white sugar (originally 1/3 cup)

2 tsp ground cinnamon

For the batter:

2 cups flour (recipe called for all-purpose, but I subbed in whole wheat)

1 tbsp baking powder

1/2 tsp salt

3/4 cup sugar (originally 1 cup)

1 egg, beaten (I used egg beaters)

1 cup milk (I used skim)

1/2 cup unsweetened applesauce (recipe called for oil)

To prepare:

1. Preheat your oven to 350 degrees F.

2. Spray a 9x5 inch loaf pan with cooking spray.

3. In a large bowl, combine flour, baking powder, salt, and 3/4 cup sugar.

4. Add egg, milk, and applesauce to the dry ingredients.

5. Stir until moistened.

6. Pour half of the batter into the loaf pan.

7. Combine 1/4 cup sugar and cinnamon in a small bowl.

8. Sprinkle half of the cinnamon sugar mixture over batter.

9. Pour the remaining batter into the loaf pan.

10. Sprinkle the remaining cinnamon sugar over batter.

11. Drag a knife through the batter to swirl in cinnamon sugar.

12. Bake for 45 to 50 minutes. A toothpick should come out clean.

13. Cool in the loaf pan for 10 minutes before turning out onto a cooling rack.

14. Cool completely overnight or enjoy a warm piece!