Sunday, November 27, 2011
After much anticipation and waiting, BFF (M) finally had her little girl yesterday! A. was originally due on November 18th; however, she had other plans. M. has been uncomfortable for almost the whole third trimester. A. decided that she wanted to lodge herself up under momma's rib cage, so M. was definitely ready to deliver her little girl!
M. went in for her weekly appointment this past Tuesday and they told her that she was only 1 cm dilated and to come back in on Friday for a non-stress test. She passed the test and found out that she was having contractions and didn't even know it! She also dilated 2 more centimeters. She was told that labor might happen at anytime.
Since I've been on baby watch for the last few weeks, the ringer on my cell phone stayed up at all times - just in case. On Saturday morning around 7, M.'s husband texted me to let me know they were being admitted to the hospital. M.'s sister provided me with updates throughout the day since M. was too busy - you know being in labor - to send me updates from her phone. Finally at 4:34 PM baby A. arrived! She was 8 lbs, 7 oz, and 22 inches long. I'm happy to report that her and momma are doing well and will be headed home tomorrow!
I'm am so overwhelmingly happy for M., her husband, and her family. She has been along for the ride on my infertility rollercoaster, so I wanted to be nothing but supportive towards her and her pregnancy. Am I a little jealous? I'm not going to lie and say that I'm not, but I'm truly happy for her.
M. and I have been friends since the first day of high school way back in 1996 - Over 15 years of friendship! Insane! She's been there for me through thick and thin; good times and bad times. We've had crazy adventures together, have been in each other's weddings, and now she's entering a new stage in her life - motherhood. Even though I can't join her in that stage (yet), I'll be there to support her through it. I already love baby girl and can't wait to meet her in just a few weeks. Congratulations M and welcome to the world baby A! Aunt Lauren loves you already!
(M. and I at my wedding - December 2006)
(M.'s wedding - November 2008)
(With the husbands - Christmas 2009)
(M.'s baby shower - September 2011)
Posted by Lauren at 7:37 PM
Friday, November 25, 2011
Being a former retail employee and knowing the craziness associated with Black Friday has inspired me NOT to participate in the shopping insanity. Instead of shopping, I'm spending the day getting a jump start on my last week of school, cuddling with the pups, and watching movies. Baby watch also continues. My best friend is now officially 1 week past her due date, but 3 cm dilated! Finally! Come on baby girl!
I came across some fun Black Friday pins on Pinterest that I thought I'd share. Hope everyone participating in Black Friday got what they were looking for, even though I do think you're all a bit crazy :)
Posted by Lauren at 1:41 PM
Thursday, November 24, 2011
The holidays are upon us once again. Where did the time go? It's feels like we were just celebrating Christmas and New Year's not too long ago.
Now this post may make me seem like an ungrateful person at times, but it's my blog and how I truly feel, so here it goes.
I'm upset that this is our 4th Thanksgiving and Christmas that we have to spend childless. This time last year, I envisioned being pregnant again or having our first child by this point. Every time I turn on the television, there are holiday commercials where families are gathered around the holiday table or opening presents next to a beautifully decorated Christmas tree. Why can't E and I experience that? Will we ever get the opportunity to experience that?
I envisioned buying cute little onesies that read "My First Thanksgiving" or "My First Christmas". I envisioned buying baby's first stocking and baby's first Christmas ornament to place on our tree right next to the ornament I bought last year to honor our two angel babies.
When discussing holiday plans with my dad the other week, he mentioned inviting my aunts, uncles, and cousins to the house for dinner on Christmas evening. I told him that I wouldn't feel comfortable with it. Why you may be asking? It's your family, isn't it? I don't want all the questions - Why haven't you had any kids yet? When will you start trying? It's definitely not appropriate at Christmas to start balling my eyes out and saying that we've been trying for almost 4 years and that we've lost 2 precious babies so far, is it?
Some people might be thinking - you have a great husband, two dogs, your own house, and good friends. Why can't that be enough? I love and appreciate my family and friends as well as everything else that is in my life at the moment, but it's simply not enough. My life will not be complete until we have children. There's a piece of my heart that's empty and only children will fill it. I've wanted to be a mother for as long as I can remember, so no, my life the way that it is right now is not enough.
Well that's all I have to say on that matter at the moment because I'm getting far too emotional at the moment to write anymore.
Here are some things I am grateful for this year:
- My wonderful husband, E. I don't know what I would do without you. I love you with all my heart.
- My friends both far and near; old and new; real-life and through my blog and Twitter. You all play an important role in my life. You offer me support, love, and compassion when I need it.
- Bella and Murphy - my two crazy puppies. You're both a constant source of entertainment and comfort to me.
- Dr. P, Nurse D, and the nurses - Even though I haven't gotten pregnant yet, I know that you're all hoping for the best for me and do everything in your power to help me get pregnant again. I've never had a better experience with a clinic before.
- My education - I've been blessed with the opportunity to go back to school to earn my teaching certification as well as my Master's degree. I've met and worked with some fabulous teachers and students and am looking forward to student teaching in the spring and finally graduating in June.
I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving. Enjoy the time spent with your families and friends. Cherish the moments and memories that will be made.
Posted by Lauren at 6:44 AM
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Monday, November 21, 2011
Hello visitors and new followers from ICLW! Welcome to my little corner of the Internet.
My name is Lauren. I'm 28 (soon to be 29 in a few short weeks) and this is my 5th ICLW. My husband E and I have been married for almost 5 years and have been TTC since April 2008. I've been seeing infertility specialists and REs for about 3 years now and have been pregnant twice. Unfortunately, both of those pregnancies were lost - one at 11 weeks and the other at 5 and 1/2 weeks. I was diagnosed with PCOS about a year and a half ago.
Since we're a military family, we've moved quite a few times in the last 6 years, which has made TTC challenging at times. I've done 7 rounds of C.lomid, 1 round of F.emara, and 5 rounds of injections. All of the injection cycles were IUI cycles; however, one was cancelled due to overstimulation. My husband has been deployed for the last year, but I still proceeded with treatments while he was gone up until about 2 months ago. Right now, we're on a TTC break until this deployment is over with. We'll have one more shot at IUI before moving onto IVF cycle #1 in April.
Outside of the infertility world, I'm a graduate student pursuing my master's in Teaching, Learning, and Curriculum, as well as my elementary education certification. I'm about to start my last quarter of classes in January and will be student teaching in 5th grade starting in March. I love hanging out with my 2 dogs, Bella and Murphy, reading, listening to music, going to the gym, cooking, and baking. My new found addiction in Pinterest helps me discover new recipes that I can experiment with when E returns early next year.
I'm looking forward to discovering some new blogs this week. Don't be afraid to leave a comment!
Posted by Lauren at 2:32 PM
Sunday, November 20, 2011
I promised a concert recap before the weekend was over, so here it is. I didn't think I'd actually get to it due to an insane amount of homework, but I just finished up and it's still relatively early.
Let me preface this recap by saying that it's been a good 7 years since I've been to a concert. I was so excited to go to this one. In college, I used to go to a show at least once a month (if not more). I love music and enjoyed seeking out new bands and experiencing them live. One of my roommates and I kept a list of the bands we had seen in concert and I want to say that the list totaled over 200. Unfortunately once college ended and I entered the "real world", there was no time for concerts.
When my friend Brittany asked back in April if anyone wanted to go see Taylor Swift with her in November, I jumped at the chance to get tickets. Why not? E isn't here, I love Taylor Swift, and it's been way too long since I've seen a show. So on Thursday we headed up to Raleigh for the long-awaited concert.
Even though we weren't sitting particularly close, we still had awesome seats. We were up in the press seats so we had comfortable chairs and a counter to put our food and drinks on. The opening bands were kind of lame, but that was ok because Taylor's performance made up for it. She played for over 2 hours and performed 19 songs. It was a good mix of her old and new songs, most of which I knew. Her dresses were amazing and so were her sets and guitars. She even played the banjo on a few songs. Despite the large amount of screaming tweens and teens, it was an amazing show! I think I have the concert bug again, so I need to search for another one to go to.
I'll leave you with a few pictures from the show. Hope everyone is having a great weekend!
Posted by Lauren at 7:55 PM
Friday, November 18, 2011
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Question: What exactly is fertile vision?
Answer: It's when I go out to a public place and all I can do is zero in on all the lucky pregnant women. It's like I have tunnel vision when it comes to pregnancy.
Every time I go out - to T.arget, the mall, S.tarbucks, restaurants, the library, the commissary, etc. - there are always pregnant women. Everywhere I look, there they are. Baby pictures, belly shots, pregnancy announcements are all over F.acebook. If it wasn't for the chat sessions with E, I would take a FB break because the daily updates and pictures from some friends are overwhelming.
When we weren't TTC, I don't think I noticed pregnant women and babies as much. There were probably the same amount of pregnant women around me, but I just didn't realize it.
It's frustrating and a little bit insane how much I obsess over getting pregnant/being pregnant again. I think it's all coming to a boiling point now since we're on a TTC break for at least another 2 months. The holidays also make it hard to deal with. Another Thanksgiving, birthday, and Christmas goes by without a baby to call our own. I won't even have a baby to hold in my arms by my 30th birthday. Now hopefully I'll be pregnant again at that point, but IVF isn't 100% guaranteed.
Does anyone else have fertile vision or am I just crazy?
Posted by Lauren at 4:26 PM
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Friday, November 11, 2011
I wanted to say thank you to our military service members, both past and present, for their service to our country. All gave some, but some gave all. I continue to pray for the safety of our troops overseas, especially E and his unit. I also continue to remember our friend Dan, who was K.I.A. in Afghanistan a few years ago. He was a wonderful man, husband, son, and friend. E and I miss him very much and will never forget him.
(Dan's wedding - Adam, Dan, and E)
(E's last deployment)
Posted by Lauren at 5:21 PM
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Friday, November 4, 2011
This time last year I was sitting in the ER on post waiting to miscarry. E was away for training. I was alone and scared. We had just recently moved back here and I didn't know anyone so I had to sit in the ER by myself for more than 8 hours. I was told by the PA that I wasn't pregnant even though I knew I was. I was told by the ER doctor that I had a threatened miscarriage even though I knew it was over. I had been passing clots all day. The home pregnancy tests were getting lighter and lighter each day. There was no hope that this baby would survive.
One year later, I'm still not pregnant. None of our treatments have worked. I've stuck myself with countless needles, have had more encounters with "wandy" than I'd like to admit, have gained weight due to medications and depression, and have experienced 3 cysts bursting at one time. I just started a new bottle of prenatal vitamins. I don't even know how many bottles I've gone through in the past 3 and a half years. Every time I open a new one I think to myself, "Maybe I'll only have to take these for another 9 months, then I can take a break from them". Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.
I'm angry because we've had to put TTC on hold for 6 months. I'm worried that IVF won't work. I'm scared to find out whether I'll have the strength to go through another round of IVF or if we'll start looking into adoption. I just want my baby please.
Posted by Lauren at 7:36 PM