Frustrated

Just a short blog today. I was happy when I checked the mail this afternoon because my referral was finally approved and I found out that I don't have to drive all the way to Tucson. Woo! Of course I got on the phone right away to make an appointment. After registering with the practice, the receptionist tells me that there are no appointments available with anyone until June 15! I can't believe after all of this waiting and waiting, I have to wait some more. Maybe I'll just get pregnant naturally before June and I won't have to worry about going to this doctor. One can hope right? Also, I'm only authorized 1 consultation visit and 3 follow-up appointments. Tricare = crap. I guess we'll just have to wait and see what happens in the next month and a half. I'm keeping my fingers, toes, and everything else crossed that things will just happen naturally.

A powerful video about infertility

I just watched this video on Tied Together With a Smile's blog. I wanted to post it here also because it is so powerful and moving.

What IF? A Portrait of Infertility from Keiko Zoll on Vimeo.

A new job and a new doctor?

I applied for a job here on post about 2 weeks ago and I finally got a call from the child development center for an interview. I hope I get this because I am tired of sitting around the house all day. I need to be moving and doing something! I'm a little bit nervous because I haven't formally interviewed for a job in about 5 years. I didn't have to interview for my substitute teacher position 2 years ago so hopefully this goes well. The center takes care of children aged 6 weeks to 6 years. Now wouldn't it be ironic if I got put in the room with the infants? Don't get me wrong, I would love it but I'd be feeling super jealous of their mommies. I want it to be my turn!

Speaking of babies - Tricare hasn't approved my referral to the RE yet!! Not a huge surprise there but it's still frustrating. I was told that I could call if I haven't heard anything in 7 days. Today is technically a week but I'll be optimistic and give them one more day. If I don't see an online authorization by lunch time tomorrow, I'll be on the phone. I'm just ready to move along and get this going. It's been almost a month since my D&C and AF hasn't made her appearance yet so I'm getting antsy. I know my doctor said it could take up to 3 months but I don't want to wait that long. About 8 months ago, I hadn't had a cycle in over 4 months so they had to give me Provera which didn't work; then a shot of something (can't remember the name of it). I'm hoping I don't need the shot again because it hurt like a you know what.

Hopefully I will have good news on both fronts Friday afternoon. My interview is at 9:30 - wish me luck!

Our weekend road trip

Evan and I decided to head out to Bisbee yesterday to see what this town was all about. It turned out to be a small town that is primarily built into the side of a mountain. While walking around town, we discovered many antique stores, restaurants, and art galleries. The locals were very outgoing and friendly and we learned a little about the history of the town. Bisbee is also home to the The Bisbee 1000 Great Stair Climb. The town has 9 different sets of stairs that allow visitors to journey up the side of the mountain. Now we didn't climb all 1,000 stairs but we tackled at least half of them, maybe more. We climbed up fairly high and had a great view of the town.



After hiking and shopping, we tried out a local Mexican restaurant for lunch. Fabulous food and great service!



Our final stop of the day was the Queen Mine Tour. We got to dress up in slickers and hard hats for the tour which was kind of silly but fun at the same time. We rode on a mine train into the mine and learned about miners and their work lives. Overall, the tour was informative and fun.



Unfortunately, the weekend is over and Evan is back to classes. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that Tricare will come through and authorize my referral so we can get the ball rolling on this whole RE thing. I'm looking forward to some great weather this week which means long walks for the dogs!

Things I miss about Georgia

Arizona is not so bad so far but there are things I definitely miss about Georgia....

#1 Friends



It's hard for me to make friends. I'm one of those shy, sensitive girls and it takes awhile for me to open up to people. I'm not someone who can just go up to another person and strike up a conversation. I had a small group of women who knew me well and were there to support me during the tough times. We're only going to be here until September so I'm afraid that I won't meet anyone who I can call a friend while we're here.

#2 Teaching/school



I started substitute teaching for Pre-K, kindergarten, and first grade back in the fall of 2008. I always wanted to be a teacher but decided to go to college for broadcasting instead. I had started thinking about going back to school for education and wanted to see if teaching really was for me. I started subbing to gain some experience and to make sure that this is what I wanted to do with my life. It turned out that I loved being in the classroom! Shortly after I started teaching, I applied to a local college to start taking some education classes. Even though the classes were tough and time-consuming, I loved the work I was doing and loved the kids that I was able to teach. I had to stop taking classes last semester; however, because of our upcoming move. Most of my friends that I had made in school will be graduating this December. I'm a tad envious of them because it will be awhile before I can finish. I definitely cannot wait to have my own classroom when the time is right!

#3 Warm weather



Uh so I live in Arizona now and you think that would mean warm weather, right? Not so much. The last 3 days have been downright ugly. Rain, high winds, knocked out power, and snow. Yes, I said snow. In April. In Arizona. Who would have thought? I'm ready for the warmth and the sun.



#4 Chick-Fil-A



My favorite fast food restaurant. Sierra Vista is a pretty small town which means not many dining options - or shopping options for that matter. What I wouldn't give to have a nice chicken sandwich with a side of waffle fries. Anyone willing to ship some to me?

Another day, another doctor

I went for my first doctor appointment here at Fort Huachuca this morning. Despite one setback, it went surprisingly well considering the bad service I received while in Georgia. I told the nurse at the beginning of the appointment that I had had a miscarriage about a month ago and she wrote that down. I didn't cry which was great. However, about 10 minutes later she asked when my last LMP was and I told her January 6. She then proceeded to ask if my cycles are always that long and irregular (They are long and irregular but that's besides the point in this case). I had to remind her of the whole miscarriage thing and I lost it. Good thing for tissues. Good news is that I got my referral put in to see a reproductive endocrinologist. I'm hoping that he/she will work out better than the last doctor who I saw. He basically wouldn't give me the time of day during any appointment I had with him. Over the course of 8 months, I saw him once. I usually ended up speaking to the PA for 5 minutes before I was pushed out of the examination room. Unfortunately, there wasn't much I could do about it because this was the only doctor that Tricare would refer me to. I'm hoping the new doctor works out better. The only drawback is that I have to go to Tucson for my appointments. I guess an hour drive each way will be worth it if we can figure out what's going on with my body.

I'm also feeling pretty crappy about myself. I was supposed to be 15 weeks today and now it feels like we have to go back to the drawing board. I saw on Facebook the other day that a friend from college is expecting twins in October, which was when I should have been due. Is it wrong to not feel happy about someone's great news? Is it bad to resent pregnant women right now? I feel bad that I feel this way but it's hard not to feel this way.

I don't know what I could have done differently to prevent this from happening. Probably nothing, but it's still hard to accept. I thought after trying and trying for almost 2 years, that this would have been it. I guess not..

Back in the saddle again

Spin is my favorite workout and I'm happy to say that I've found a great instructor out here in Arizona. Due to crazy pregnancy symptoms, I had to sideline myself from spin class for 4 weeks. Also, my D&C restricted me from any physical activity for 2 weeks after the surgery. I was so happy when last Friday rolled around and I could head to the gym again. I was feeling pretty down about my body because I did gain a few pounds from the lack of exercising/emotional eating from the miscarriage. This instructor pushes hard and makes us do hill climbs with high resistance for the whole class. No recovery breaks until 30 minutes in and then another one at the end of the class. I'm not used to this style but I love it so far! I'm headed back this afternoon. If you're looking for a great cardio workout that really works up a sweat and burns a ton of calories, check out spinning! It feels great to back in the saddle again!

An introduction

Welcome to my blog! I suppose I should start this off with some sort of introduction, so here it goes....

I am a happily married, 27 year old, proud Army wife. My husband and I met when I while I was in my freshman year of college in 2001. He was enlisted at the time so we remained long distance friends until 2002 when he started attending classes at my college. After graduating in 2004, Evan moved to Georgia for officer training, so we started another long distance relationship. When Evan's training finally finished in 2005, we moved to North Carolina. We finally got engaged in the summer of 2006 and got married on December 16. Evan sadly deployed to Afghanistan for 15 months but we were finally reunited in April 2007. After a short stay in North Carolina, we packed our bags again and moved onto Georgia. We had a great time living in Georgia but were reassigned to Arizona for more training. This brings us to the present day. After a 4 day cross-country road trip, we ended up in Arizona and we've been here for exactly a week.

Evan and I have 2 dogs - Bella, the sweet but sometimes crazy dachshund, and Murphy, the timid and loveable Corgi. Recently, my job goals changed. I graduated with a degree in speech communication but decided that I was meant to be a teacher. I started to pursue my early childhood/elementary education certification last year, but had to put my dreams on hold for the time being because of current and upcoming moves.

We also have been experiencing problems with infertility which is a main reason for starting this blog. After almost 2 years of TTC, we finally got a positive test result on February 7, 2010. After 11 weeks of insane and debilitating pregnancy symptoms, we found out that I had a missed miscarriage. Tests showed that our baby stopped growing at 6w5d. It has been a little over 3 weeks since we got this devastating news and it's still hard to deal with. I'm hoping to use this blog as an outlet for my thoughts and to maybe also solicit some advice from mothers or women who are TTC as well. Obviously, this blog will also contain daily (or as daily as possible) ramblings from my life. Enjoy!